-D
I wonder how often a transsexual person has thought that. I know I have for years, and at long last it's time to do something about it. I sit here wondering what on earth to say that hasn't already been said by virtually every other person with a similar need to bring mind and body into harmony, so I guess the only thing I can do is to tell you a little about me.
My name is Christine Cochrane - known to my friends as Chrissie, and I'm what might be best termed an aging T.S. (T.S. being a popular acronym for transsexual) person but with a renewed zest for life. I say renewed as, since my decision to do something about this burden I've born since as far back as I can remember, I've never felt better in my life! I'm now on hormones, and have already taken a good few paces into the wonderful journey of self-realisation, and it's this journey I have endeavored to capture in the song "Let Me Out Of Here" (to be found on my C.D. of the same name).
(link follows) RealAudio radio interview with Chrissie
I was born in New Zealand a good few years ago, and came to the UK in the late 1950s. In terms of education, I went to a school with the wonderful name of "The Royal Normal College for the Blind". Why it was called that is buried in the mists of antiquity, was it someone's idea of a joke perhaps? Having successfully managed to learn a bit, get into the real world, and apart from the grind of a day-time office job, I embarked on a musical career and received an extremely good grounding in both music and life in the local pubs in and around London. Having done this for a few years, I then formed a small group and set about climbing the musical ladder a little. I managed to gain a reasonable reputation for relatively sophisticated music, and as a consequence, I did much work for firms' functions, masonic dinners and the like - relatively boring musically, but reasonable money, and one certainly saw various aspects of life.
-D
After getting thoroughly bored at various office-type jobs, I decided to venture into music full-time, so in the early 1970s, said good bye - as I hoped for ever - to the old manual typewriters (yes, they were still around believe me) and started looking for good musical work. I was fortunate to get quite a reasonable amount of session work, and this culminated in several bookings for BBC Radio 2. I was at the same time writing music quite consistently but of what I now consider a somewhat desaltry standard. The real breakthrough in terms of composition came when I purchased my own small home studio, and then there was no stopping me - the four tracks on the site are a result of that purchase.
Having succeeded reasonably at music, I eventually realised that whereas it was fun, it was also very precarious and so was very lucky in attaining work for an arts organisation where both my keyboard skills, and musical knowledge could be put to good use, and where I am to this day.
In doing the hotel and restaurant circuits in London as a musician, that at least that used to give me a chance to wear small amounts of make-up and reasonably flamboyant clothing. But needless to say, all the time, oh how I wished I could be the me I knew was inside. As it happened, the chance did come one New Year's eve when I took the proverbial bull by the horns, dressed to the nines and went in to the residency I was doing at the time. Boy! How wonderful that felt. It probably, in fact, looked terrible - but what a release! It was then that I made a little promise to myself that one day, given the right circumstances, I would write a song detailing the feelings I suspect are inside the head of most, if not all, transsexual people - and at last, here it is!
It's amazing how circumstances present themselves eventually, and so it was with "Let me Out of Here". I had made a C.D. of some songs, and Cheryl, a very dear friend of mine, offered to make more C.D.s for me - which in no time were done. She was kind enough to do them for me, just as a friend, and one day I asked her how on earth I could repay her kindness. She said "Why don't you write me a song?". That sounded like a good idea to me, so I asked her on what theme? "Why, that of the transsexual person of course." And it was then I remembered my promise to myself to write something along these lines.
I had already put on the C.D. a song "The Man and the Girl" which, although having a T.S. theme, was not at all explicit. Cheryl's request gave me the push I needed to write something that would let out my own feelings, as well as be applicable to other people with a similar problem. I then placed a rather a low quality sound file of the song up on the Web (a .wav file) and sat back and awaited reaction which, I was surprised to find, was extremely positive, not only from people with similar feelings to mine but also from members of the general public.
-DI have often thought that the main reason we have received the "freak show" treatment by the media is through sheer ignorance. And if I can - through music - lighten that ignorance a little as well as giving other transsexual people a voice, I feel this is something I must do. Music has a language all of its own, and whereas reading the words on a page may have a certain impact, I feel that such words combined with a good tune can achieve a much longer-lasting impact on the observer.
At the same time as the song was being written, I sent an electronic mail to all my colleagues at work detailing what I was doing, combined with a rough time-scale. Here again I was overwhelmed by the amazing amount of support I received, and the interest that my colleagues took in the actual 'nuts and bolts' of transition, so to speak. Many of them said "You must be extremely brave to do that" - that's the last thing I've ever been, but the fact of the matter is that like many of us, I found I had absolutely no choice. It was start transition, or face horrendous consequences which, even after 6 months on hormones still give me the shudders just to think about.
I don't expect transition to be a bed of roses all the way - and anyway, roses have thorns don't they? But I do expect that how my transition goes depends mostly on me. If I approach it, as I hope to, with confidence and a certain amount of humour, then I should and hope to be able to deal with all the little things that will be thrown up in my path, and one day, I should like to be in a position to write another piece on how successful a transition I have had, but all that is in the future, which I view with wonder and interest.
As to who exactly Christine Cochrane is, she is now emerging in her own right, from the conflict of mind and body that has been me, and as such, I am hoping that if all goes according to plan, this conflict will be put to rest by the bringing of mind and body into harmony, which, perhaps with hindsight, should have happened years ago.
Well It's Done!
It's been some time since I've had enough time to update this page, however I can now say that transition, as far as it can be is complete. I had my operation on 1 December 1999 in Brussels with Dr Seghers, and it is now over one year later and all I can say is that being now post-op is absolutely wonderful! (link follows) new picture of Chrissie at keyboard I have not regretted one little second of my transition, both the good and the bad points. It has certainly been a bumpy ride from beginning to end, but I know that it was something I had to do, and now feel much more at peace with myself and know I can now live the rest of my life the way I feel I should have been all along.
To those taking the same journey as myself, I hope that all your dreams are fulfilled, but remember, in the words of another song of mine "The Little Voice", also on the C.D., "The only one to make it right is you".
Now, what would you like to do next? A list of links with 6 choices follows:
© Copyright 1997-2001 Christine Cochrane (chrissie@rose.demon.co.uk). No unauthorised reproduction.
